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I'm back, for good.

It's been quite a while since i've made a proper blogpost. Not the "update" kinds or the short embarrassing stories. The real, personal ones. And, honestly, its been about three months without me actually writing and expressing myself. I am exploding. Well, don't take it literally or make it sound dirty-like, because i did. I am exploding with thoughts and emotions and everything else that makes me whole. You know that feeling? When you haven't done something that really gives you a certain feeling and some kind of content, but when you do it, its just unimaginable. It's like finally getting a word out after being locked for days, months, and to me, those three months felt like forever.

Sure, i had Twitter to back me up. I come across-and experience many weird, awkward, maybe emotional phases quite a lot, and, sure, Twitter does it. I can easily express myself in a few sentences and feel at least a bit relieved for getting something out. But it doesn't just do it for me, y'know? What can i do with 144 characters? I need more than that. And, honestly, it doesn't fully let me express myself due to the people on my followers list. I don't have anything against those people, it's just that i don't really get "alone time" with myself when i want to say something extremely personal. And when i do, in fear of getting judged by the people i know, i delete it. Sometimes i just feel a tad bit uncomfortable knowing that my tweet would somehow end up on their feed and they would scroll through it, read, and a little thought pops up in their mind talking about how "attention-seeking" i look to them. Some would just ignore it altogether, and I'm perfectly fine with that. The people on my followers list are people i know, and they know me as well. Whether they actually acknowledge my presence? I don't know. I'm fine with that as well. I've done much blocking on my followers list, and removed everyone i don't actually know, that I've gone from at least 200 followers, to about 20. The numbers don't really mean much to me, but sometimes i still worry about my friends (okay i put that in italics because PROBABLY half of them don't even see me as a friend) reading my tweets.

The fact that i actually got to write this, made me both relieved, contented, and a little more awake. I admit, i did have some free time the past couple of weeks, but i was just totally absorbed in watching my favourite shows, and watching them all over again after i complete it. I went a little overboard last month. About mid-May I succumbed to the negative effects of obsession. I was obsessed with avatar. The cartoon. Both shows, i watched them over and over again, day and night, i did not stop. After i was done, well, technically i wasn't, because i was still on my halfway-rewatching-the-second-season-for-the-1000th-time, but i started reading the comics as well. I completed all of them it about a day or two. Now, i really like avatar, but my obsession only really begun this year. I started watching that show when i was really young, maybe at seven or eight, and i enjoyed it as a cartoon but i didn't have much to say about it. I continued to watch the show a couple of times years later, and when i was 14, the obsession a "ehhhh, here and there kinda thing". It wasn't fully accomplished yet. It wasn't as bad as it was? is? currently. (see how i didn't know how to use "was" or "is", because i'm not fully sure if i might stop my obsession here. today.)

My obsession was so bad that i might have just cut off life to a certain extent that i did not want to hang out with anyone for a couple of weeks, and that's not really my style. I do like going out with certain friends, but i cut them off from my life completely, for a while. I wasn't stressed or depressed, like most people started to think, but i was just absorbed. Of course i still did have to go out for classes and school, but i didn't exactly have a social life for a bit. It may not seem like much for those of you who are always online, exploring the internet world, or binging on your tv shows. But it started seeming like a big deal to me, when i started realising what i have become. I am not like that. It's not bad to binge, but going at it excessively is unhealthy, and as soon as i started to realise that i was living in a false reality, i told myself i had to get out of it immediately.

Not for the fact that i wanted to stop watching my shows and just dedicating my life to that certain thing, but i noticed i wasn't "feeling myself". Don't go at it again and take it literally, guys, i did get some time to go feely-feely. Jokes. I'm not going to dwell much on me not "feeling myself", but you get the point. (i guess)

Yo, i'm not going to immediately crush my once hopes and dreams of dedicating my life to that show, the people in it, or the voice actors, but i might start finding hope in reality again.

Oh and, MAN. I haven't read through a post and undergo an editing session on it in a while, and does it feel great? Absolutely.


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