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Showing posts from 2016

It's my birthday.

I just turned 16 today. Obligatory, I had to write about it. As i've said lots of times, 2016 has been so incredibly busy for me. I think, it's mostly filled with achievements. Oh, and, I just realised i had a draft third blogoversary post that still isn't completed, but lets just forget about it alright? You guys know what i've been up to, so i don't have to repeat them again. I'm 16 now. I created a bank account recently, found a job, have great friends, and i think i'm on my way to realising that a certain someone just isn't worth it anymore. I had much more to write just now, but i've kinda lost the mood a little. I think you'll understand. I'll publish this little thing and update it further on. You'll understand. Excuse the informality.

Healing

I've realised something- I haven't been too honest with myself. I'm talking about feelings, thoughts, anything that comes to mind. And I haven't been honest with you, too, those on my blog right now. For those that have been reading my blog for the past almost three years, the first year was fun. Pure, innocent, a 13 year old discovering herself, basically. Second year, a tad bit more emotional and personal. A bit of a break from blogging though, and definitely improvements in my writing. Made some friends online, it was fun.
Remember that affiliates linking thing I had? And that little chat box? Unfortunately, because of my content that has evolved through the years, I removed anything that could link people to my blog. Third year, come on. I pretty much stopped blogging for half a year I think, and mainly because I've gotten busy and I stopped trusting my blog. I've been afraid, you know? So afraid of people finding out how I feel and how I think. I don'…
The third blogoversary is in a few days now, and i honestly don't have much prepared to post because i'm just rotting at home. But since this is merely a life blog, i'm just gonna say some things to my future self.
1. Stop over reacting
2. Stop being so paranoid
3. You know that saying all this won't help with your paranoia, but just calm down.
4. Everything is gonna be fineeee

Anyway, i don't have much left. To be honest, i'm not sure if i've just forgotten that this MY blog and i can post anything i want, but i think i've gotten a little afraid of revealing my feelings. I have all these secrets and everything that are so hard to just express and even tiny things can be hidden through simple questions and i can't even tell people the reasons why i don't want to do this or i don't want to do that. I don't have anything to hide, honestly, but i'm just afraid that whatever i say will be used against me. This also made me feel really gu…

Why i haven't been active-the usual, and a little storytelling

...Gosh, i feel horrible. I didn't exactly return to blogging as i hoped and said i would. You know. Busy busy busy, but maybe this time its not just that. Its about priorities. Blogging is really important to me as it lets me to release all kinds of stress i felt in the day, but it's just not that big of a priority at the moment since i have so much more to do. I honestly can't even believe how my life has changed so fast, in many aspects. For time, i know its pretty expected since we all seem to get busier as we grow older, but it's really a huge change for me compared to when i first entered secondary school.

The first two years were really really slack-ish for me. My best friend and i used to hang out almost everyday of the week after school, and sometimes even past my curfew. Maybe its just early teenage rebellion that caused all that, but wow... i was really free back then.

The third year wasn't so bad either, my best friend had switched schools due to her mo…

It's rather personal

Okay so maybe i wasn't exactly back for good, since i haven't updated much the last month after that post, but you know the drill. I complain about how busy i am and then i get on with the story, so i'll just skip the whining this time because i have something else to stress about.

Lately i've been feeling really, really upset. It's not the kind of upset at a certain person or something that was done wrong, but i was upset at myself. I'm not going to name any people involved or whatever, but i'd like to just talk about it here. I started attending this tuition class earlier this year to work on my math, because my math is pretty horrible. First few lessons were okay, the teacher was nice, but i was extremely slow. I'm pretty much the slowest in the class. My math started improving quite a bit, and i could actually beat a number of my friends, or at least get a decent score in my exams. So, that's the good part. But i didn't really mention that m…

I'm back, for good.

It's been quite a while since i've made a proper blogpost. Not the "update" kinds or the short embarrassing stories. The real, personal ones. And, honestly, its been about three months without me actually writing and expressing myself. I am exploding. Well, don't take it literally or make it sound dirty-like, because i did. I am exploding with thoughts and emotions and everything else that makes me whole. You know that feeling? When you haven't done something that really gives you a certain feeling and some kind of content, but when you do it, its just unimaginable. It's like finally getting a word out after being locked for days, months, and to me, those three months felt like forever.


Sure, i had Twitter to back me up. I come across-and experience many weird, awkward, maybe emotional phases quite a lot, and, sure, Twitter does it. I can easily express myself in a few sentences and feel at least a bit relieved for getting something out. But it doesn'…

Shit you should never do unless you're me! -PART 12-

It's June now and i'm still rather busy, but i decided to do another one of these shit posts! This one is going to be one from my past, and if i recall, it could have endangered my life.
There isn't really a backstory or anything, so i'll just briefly talk about it. I used to be addicted to making little bracelets or necklaces for my mum as gifts, and sometimes i'd just make them everyday for fun. It was basically one of the things i really enjoyed doing when i was younger. I had a few of those really huge pearl beads, and i don't know why, but i stuck two of them into both my nostrils. So just imagine a little girl with unnaturally large nostrils, struggling to get them out of her nose because she couldn't breathe. Don't forget the hyperventilation. That's all

UPDATE

I am extremely sorry. The reason why i haven't blogged in almost two months is because i've been incredibly busy. I have had lots of things going on, from marching in parades to art competitions, and trying to juggle everything all at once had given me loads of stress, to the point where i would have mental breakdowns every few days. Currently, most of them have ended, and so are my mid year exams, but i'm not going to dwell much on that. 

Throughout these few 7-8 weeks of not publishing anything, i did actually type out a few draft update posts, but never had the time to complete them as i had other errands to run. Everything has just made me tremendously tired, stressed, and constantly being reminded to do so many things just didn't work out for me at all. I'm going to make this post slightly shorter than my usual posts as i'd probably run out of ideas on what to write and might end up stopping. 

This post just made me sound so scary and fierce so maybe i sho…

A sunset

You, are

-like sparkling sapphire paint 
hydrating the dry earth

reflecting specks of purple

surrounded by a large array of beige and orange,

lost and barren lands.


You, are

everything i wanted

for some reason.

you aren't perfect,

I know that.

You make me turn beet red,

when i stare into your eyes,
the colour of intense espresso,
and somehow, i see
a hidden sunset
orange, red and blue
circling around a silhouette
that i once knew
and when i run my fingers through your tousled mane

and when you smile

-it makes everything that encompasses you

seem like one flat shade of grey
and you glow.


The control you hold in your right hand

is like spilling blood all over a counter top

but it makes you, you

and you are stunning

in every way possible.

You couldn't give me

all the attention in the world

but it felt like you gave me your all.

he made me feel right.

he told jokes,

about knowing how i should've never gotten close to him

but of course, they weren't true

and just when i had r…

ANNUAL ASPIRE CAMP 2016

It has been about a month since i last blogged, and I AM BACCCCKKK! So sorry for the lack of posts recently, but i really have had no time to bog at all. I was just really busy, and my week would always be occupied with tuition or cca. I remember having to participate in the Total Defence UG parade and there were trainings almost twice every week before the real parade, then when the real thing was finally over, i had a one day break before i began training for another parade. Then there was tuition, and even my weekends weren't free. I had to attend an event that was cca related, and missed out on two lessons of tuition because of it. Trying to arrange a make-up session was also extremely frustrating since i wasn't free on other days.

When it was nearing the end of the month, i had my annual school camp. I have always been really excited for the camp because we would have our night hike which would be from around 10 pm to 4 am. It was a three day one night camp since on the f…

Shit you should never do unless you're me! -PART 11-

This happened around late January, we(friends and i) were having some sort of serious meeting with our teacher due to some cca things we had to handle.
If you know me, you'd probably think i made a fool of myself.
Yes. That is true.
(this is one of those embarrassing short stories where i use paint to explain things so it'd be useful in trying to get y'all to understand what i'm saying, but i'll ne drawing it out in real life this time) I didn't use any photo references to draw it since i was too lazy to search up the positions so i basically free-drawed(if that's a word) this. I suck at drawing side profiles so you know, brace yourself.
We were sitting in a circle, not really, maybe an oval, but you get the point. We were all almost equally spaced apart with my teacher standing and briefing us on different matters in the middle. Most of us were sitting cross legged and paying attention, but i was not paying attention. (lolololol bad leader) It looked kind …

HAPPY CNY

It's been a while since my last post, how are y'all doing? It was probably less than a month and lets just say the "Shit you should never do unless you're me" series won't be ending just yet.

I'm currently sitting on my new pink chair, dressed in my spongebob nightgown and baggy pink pants...and i am ready to start ttTTYYPPPIINNNGG!! I've been pretty much the same since i won't be going back to MY to visit any of my relatives this CNY, sooo i'll most probably be baking stuff and playing runescape (i haven't played in a loooong time)

Anyways, Happy Chinese New Year! I'm guessing most of you are more productive than i am, so you'll be out having fun??? I'm just going to binge on my dark chocolate and continuously wince in pain due to stomach cramps.
I really like dark chocolate. dON'T YOU?

Short update post!!

Helloooo everyone,

This isn't really going to be much of an interesting post or anything, its just to update you (regular)readers that i won't be posting as much now due to my N levels this year and a couple of other exams. Usually i wouldn't care as much about exams, but i really want to work hard for this. I really, really want to improve my subjects, and I'll definitely be staying for my O's even though I've heard it's really difficult for Normal Academic students?

After my O's, hopefully i do well enough that i get to enter the polytechnic i want and pursue psychology as I'm actually quite interested in studying human behaviour...and just maybe, i might become a psychologist in the future, or maybe some kind of social worker that just gets to volunteer and contribute and help others with the problems they are facing!

My next post wouldn't be very soon, and maybe I'll only be able to update my blog about once a month. But when i do, it…